Recently, we were at a quarterly planning session with a client working on their Q4 strategy. We’ve started to begin these meetings by asking our clients to bring their own list of items that they want to work through which may not fit into our traditional quarterly planning agendas. This company is made up of a husband and wife ownership team. They didn’t have a very long list. There was hiring, staying focused, and overthinking. All are common issues. Because overthinking could have a profound impact on the other two, we decided to begin there.
As the wife began to explain the overthinking to us, she shared an example. One day while our client’s company was at her client’s office, the fire alarm started to go off. Our client called her client, who asked her to call the fire department. Our client went on to explain that her first move was to freeze. Call the fire department? This place isn’t on fire and I thought 911 was only for emergencies, she thought. What happens if I call and they fine me for this not being a legitimate reason to call? Our client is also from another country, and she was concerned about whether they would be able to understand her accent. She decided to employ the help of her business partner and husband. He encouraged her with the Nike slogan—“Just do it” (which is probably one of the worst things to tell someone who is spiraling like this). She asked him to call for her, and he lovingly declined. Then he realized how concerned she was and tried to rationalize with her thoughts for her second and third requests for him to call. Finally, at the fourth request for him to call, he drew a firm boundary.
What does a seemingly simple story like this have to do with business? Everything. You see, for this business owner, her overthinking isn’t relegated to fire alarms at client’s properties. It’s a way of thinking that shows up in every area of life and business. It’s the same logic that causes a loyal business owner or manager to not terminate a toxic or underperforming employee. They start to think about how they could be sued, the personal ramifications for the employee, and on and on it goes. I see this show up time and again with price increases. Business owner after business owner doesn’t charge a price equivalent to the value that they provide because their overthinking takes them to a place where client’s say no to the increase, go to the competition, and within 24 seconds, they have imagined themselves out of business.
Overthinking kills more dreams than anything else. In fact, those dreams died before they were born. I’m currently reading a book entitled How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown Up. It’s written by Julian Shapiro-Barnum and it’s the product of his interviews with children on topics from death to grown ups to imagination and just about everything in between. It caught my attention while I was at the bookstore because I’ve been increasingly accepting my coach’s invitation to make life more playful. Let’s face it, business is hard work. That doesn’t mean it can’t be fun. In fact, I wonder how many times we have glorified the hustle culture so much that we think it has to be serious, the stakes are always all-in, and creativity, play, and fun are just silliness that get in the way of the “real work.”
I remember our son asking to play with a friend about a year ago and the friend declined. I asked my son how he felt about that. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I don’t care.” It wasn’t the “I don’t care” that adults do passively-aggressively. It was a firm, grounded “I don’t care.” My wife and I reflected on how resilient he was in dealing with that rejection. I watch adult after adult crumble under the weight of rejection, creating some fanciful story that they must have offended their friend and they don’t want to be with them anymore when in fact their friend may be having a really hard time and just needed some space.
My coach and I were going back and forth on some voice notes and we were talking about how I could support someone else who was overthinking. She offered some excellent insights, but the one that stuck out the most that I will share here is the art of the reframe. In this particular instance, the individual was fearful about an upcoming medical appointment. They were fearful of getting bad news, not being taken seriously, and failing to express themselves well to the doctor. Brilliantly, Christina suggested reframing these concerns from things that ought to be feared to opportunities that get to be seized. She identified the opportunity for this individual to learn more about what their body needs to thrive, the opportunity to love their body, and the opportunity to better understand their body.
Overthinking is like gasoline to a fire. The more gas is put on a fire the more it rages on. The more we stoke the embers of our thoughts the larger they become. The more gasoline we give them, the further the fire of anxiety and rumination spread, and the smoke of despair takes over the life-giving oxygen. When I first started working with Christina, I asked what kind of coach she was. She said she was a “Mindset Coach.” Internally, I chuckled and said, “That’s all well and good. She’s grown her own coaching business and that’s what I need.” Well, three years into this, I’ve realized that the way we think frames everything. If we attach ourselves so desperately to outcomes, we end up spiraling and choosing to ruminate instead of taking action. We choose to find more of the very things that we are trying to avoid, and—in some ways—we become the originators of our own mental suffering.
Back to the client we were with at the quarterly. We went out to lunch at a local sandwich shop. We got back to where we meeting and she put her hands on her torso and said, “Oh no!”
“What? Is everything OK?” I asked.
“I left my purse at the restaurant.”
“No problem,” I said. “We will wait while you give them a call to have them set it aside for you.”
She looked at her husband and asked if he would call, playfully. We all laughed. She picked up the phone and called them. They had it, set it aside for her, and they picked it up after we wrapped up for the day. Same person. Three hours apart she learned how to resolve a situation in 60 seconds rather than in hours.
Quote:
"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."
- Corrie ten Boom
Question:
What stories are you creating and choosing to reread about your business and life right now?
