Our son has taken a real love to the sport of soccer. He loves being with his friends, learning new skills, and putting them into practice on the pitch. Last spring, he played on a travel team based out of our hometown. The team was terrible. I’m not talking about their skills not being developed because of their age. I’m talking about their skill level not being close to other teams in the same age group. They lost every game they played in. On top of that, the head coach was removed by the league leadership because of some conduct issue that took place while he was coaching another team. Our assistant coach became the head coach and a parent self-appointed themselves the assistant coach. The new deputy would be on the sidelines each game yelling orders at the players. I’m not sure I ever heard something positive come out of his mouth. It was also difficult for me to watch as someone who coaches leaders and teams for a living.
Towards the end of the season, the new head coach decided that he was going to field an indoor team. He invited our son to play on his team and he assured us that things were going to be different. We asked if the dad-turned-assistant coach was going to be involved, and he assured us that he wouldn’t be. We explained to him that we didn’t believe it was good for our son to continue playing in games where it was largely a negative environment that provided little actionable coaching. I’ve yet to see an environment where “the beatings continue until the morale improves” and the moral actually improves.
Off to the first indoor game we go. I couldn’t be at that one because of a conflict. My wife came home from the game and she was steaming. She proceeded to explain to me that the parent/assistant coach was on the sidelines and was barking his usual unhelpful orders. As it turns out, the last game of the outdoor season was the same afternoon, and I was going to that one. After the game ended, I pulled the head coach aside.
“Hey, Coach. Can I speak to you privately for a moment?”
“Sure,” he said.
“I couldn’t be at the game this morning, but my wife told me that (assistant coach’s name) was on the sidelines right next to you. We agreed to enroll our son in this league because you told us that wasn’t going to happen.”
“I know. I was going to send you guys a message that he kind of got up in my space. I was telling my wife about that and I know I needed to say something to you guys,” he responded.
“What are you going to do about it?” I asked.
“I’m going to speak with him and remind him that his support isn’t needed for this session.”
“Sounds great,” I shared with him. ”I just want to be clear on our end – and I’m not being threatening by saying this – but if that coach continues, our son won’t be playing on the team any longer because it won’t be the terms we agreed to.”
We shook hands and headed our separate ways. On the way home, my wife got a text from the coach saying that he had spoken with the other Dad and it was all set. We thanked him, and there wasn’t another issue, except for the fact that the team didn’t get better.
Our son’s team lost in this indoor league by double digits often. As the end of the first indoor session approached, the coach once again asked us to enroll our son in the second session. We expressed to him our concerns that—while that assistant coach was no longer there—the performance hadn’t changed and we still remained concerned about the effects of being on a team that didn’t demand our son’s best efforts. He came back to us and explained a plan that he created with another coach from our hometown to collaborate, share players, and practice together to help all of our kids improve. Somewhat reluctantly, we wanted to give this plan a chance. We knew the coach he was partnering with and he was exceptional. We also knew some of the players on the other team and they played at a very competitive level. Plus, our son really wanted to keep going.
As I write this, the team has won every one of their matches but one in the second session. The dramatic improvement in each of the players on the team is remarkable and I, personally, have been heartened to see how this has challenged our son and helped him to develop even more skills. I give the head coach all of the credit for being humble and open enough to being challenged, held accountable, and continuing to make the necessary changes for the best of the team.
The reason that I share this story is that I think it powerfully illustrates – at a basic level – the importance of dynamics in a team. Pat Lencioni’s timeless book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team identifies lack of trust, fear of conflict, lack of commitment, avoidance of accountability, and inattention to results as obstacles for organizational health. All five are evident in this story.
There was a lack of trust in the team because—while everyone was nice to one another—character isn’t enough to build trust. As Stephen M.R. Covey points out in his book The Speed of Trust, trust is a combination of both character and competence. Intentions are great, but it is the action and the result that really strengthens trust. I share this often with my clients. It is not merely what we say we are about that matters. It’s about what we actually are about in deed.
The dad-turned-assistant coach was not adding value to the team from the first day he stepped onto the sideline. It went on for far too long before it was finally addressed, and it cost this team six months of progress. Once these issues were squarely addressed, the team started creating remarkable results.
The continuous losing was perpetuating a lack of commitment. You would see regular absences from players. Throughout the game there was a lack of attention on the sideline from players on the bench. Frankly, no one seemed to care whether we won or lost because losing had become so commonplace, and spiraled downward into a place where the dangerous question “Who really cares?” began to get asked.
A-players want to be held accountable. They want to be coached. They want to be invested in. They want to know how to get better. Henry Cloud shared a helpful concept in his book Boundaries for Leaders related to accountability. He observed that our results are dependent upon what we create and what we allow. We can create brilliant strategies, but it is actually what we allow in execution that determines our results. The lack of accountability for the assistant coach, poor performing players, and parents who weren’t honoring their commitment to show up meant that what was being allowed was pretty much anything.
I recently started working with a client whose business has been declining over the past several years. One of the main things that we have been working on is a healthy definition of accountability. He has been learning to balance the loyalty and generous intent he has for his employees with the idea that results are results. Someone can be a good person and not be getting the results that are needed in that position. Someone can be a great performer, but disastrous to culture. When the coach started to really be confronted with the results of his coaching staff and the players, he made a different choice and the outcome was brilliant.
“The results we are getting are always perfectly suited to the systems we have in our business,” as my coach often points out. This remarkable story of a coach’s humility, commitment, and resolve is proof positive. It would be easy to conclude that this has nothing to do with business and leadership. That would be false, however, because this has everything to do with business in leadership. If we slow our lives down enough—check out my last blog on time management—we can learn from everything. Too often we get caught up in convention (i.e. kids learn from parents) that we may miss the lesson from the youth soccer team right in front of us.