Last year I attended the Reawakening Conference, which was put on by clients and friends of mine from the Anglican Diocese in New England (ADNE). During the Conference, one of the new Assisting Bishops was interviewed about his time in ministry. When asked what his greatest disappointment in ministry was, he replied, “That’s easy. It’s always when you see something greater for someone than they can see or are willing to go after.”
Any of us who have carried the yoke of leadership can relate to that response. Perhaps you remember the salesperson who you knew could do it but they couldn’t seem to get out of their own way. Or the operations leader who was unwilling to hold the tension between being kind and holding people accountable. Or the admin who said that they could do it when they were already drowning in the volume of work, and when given the opportunity to acknowledge that reverts back to their people-pleasing tendency.
The trap that I watch many leaders fall into is allowing their empathy to justify a lack of results. They want to be the good person (which we are so here for!), the one everyone likes. The CEO and Business Owner has an important role as ambassador for the company, but not at the expense of accountability. I’ve observed many leaders not only accept the excuses offered by poor performers but add their own excuses to the mix. “She has been really stressed recently.” “He is dealing with difficult customers.” “She is facing a tough economy.” “He is trying hard.” All of these things can be true—and it can also be true that the results being produced are unacceptable. When leaders finally realize that there can be challenges and top performance can still be achieved, lots of damage has usually already been done. The company’s culture has atrophied because mediocre performance has become the acceptable standard. Justification has become the norm. In their book The Oz Principle, Roger Connors and Tom Smith call this “Below the Line” behavior which is the terminology they use for victimhood. When a company thinks they are victims, they are always reacting rather than creating strategy and executing their plans that actually help them to create their desired future.
When accountability gets inserted into the organization after a period of “everyone doing what was right in their own eyes,” there will be resistance. Many organizations think that resistance is an indicator of something being wrong. Instead, it should be expected. If people were delivering poor results that were acceptable and all of a sudden someone is telling them that they weren’t acceptable, there is going to be some resistance to that. It’s important to work through that and not revert back. I was on a call with coach Paul Williams the other day and he spoke about “holding people capable.” Implicit in that statement is that there is high capability and capacity. This means hiring the best people we can afford. I was on a call with a client recently and we were talking about hiring for a position and he said that he wanted to hire someone who was at least as good as he was in a particular role. I interrupted him and said, “No, better than you are.” If we have people who are better than we are at what they do, we do the work of holding them capable to their potential.
The fallacy is that we hurt people’s feelings when we share with them ways that they aren’t living in congruence with their values, performing to their potential, or making others around them better. The fact is that it’s the kindest and loving thing we can do. I wrote a blog entitled There’s A Booger in Your Nose in which I share the story about a conversation with a colleague where he shared with me that he’s the type of person who would let someone know if that’s true. The older I get and the more I do this work, the more I realize what a rarity it is to have people around us who are so committed to us and our growth that they will share those types of things with us.
And here’s the thing: many people don’t share this because they don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. Others stop sharing this type of feedback because they have offered this feedback to other people and they haven’t adopted it. What someone does with feedback we offer them belongs entirely to them. I’m unfazed when a client chooses not to take a recommendation that I make. Because they are accountable for their own results, they have the ability and dignity to make their own choices. Not to mention, sometimes, I will get it wrong. I’m not infallible. No coach or person is. For those of us offering feedback, however, we must remain unattached to the outcome, and we must recover the distinction between someone listening to our feedback and acting on it. Increasingly, I’m watching mentors struggle when their recommendations aren’t adopted saying, “You aren’t listening to me.” Let’s not confuse listening with acting on. One is wisdom and the other is a form of manipulation.
I attended another conference last June where there was a breakout session on leadership. As you’d imagine, that’s where I was. One of the speakers, the Rev. Canon Mark Eldredge, who is President of the American Anglican Council, did a Letterman-esque top 10 leadership lessons. One of my favorites: “Love everyone and move with the movers.” Let’s offer humans the dignity and authority to make their own choices and to be fully responsible for the same. Let’s normalize holding people to their capability versus their current performance level. Let’s awaken in others the invitation of opportunity.
Quote:
“Only the mediocre are always at their best.” - Jean Giraudoux
Question:
What are you allowing right now that is preventing you from realizing your potential?
Call to Action/Next Event:
Bethesda Business Mastermind - starting June 16.
The Bethesda Business Mastermind is designed for business owners who offer exceptional products and services, yet feel like their business is running them instead of the other way around. It’s for leaders who want more than growth alone - they want clarity, control, and a business that supports the life they’re trying to build. This year-long experience functions like a practical MBA, focusing on the fundamentals every business owner needs - strategy, execution, financial clarity, leadership, and systems - with a strong emphasis on real-world application. Through a combination of in-person gatherings and virtual meetings, participants don’t just learn concepts; they put them to work in ways that drive measurable progress. At the heart of the Mastermind is a community of like-minded entrepreneurs committed to leading with intentionality. Through shared insight, honest dialogue, and ongoing thought partnership, participants sharpen their thinking and gain perspective from others walking a similar path. The tools and frameworks provided through this program have helped organizations increase sales and profits by 20% or more, while creating healthier, more sustainable businesses.
