Reframing the Question
Last week, Ashleigh and I were out to dinner with some friends. During the course of the conversation, the wife shared with us a story about when she received an email from her husband. The email had the word “Budget” in the subject line. As she explained to us, she immediately picked up the phone and called her husband. After he answered, she asked, “How much do I have to make for us to never use that word again?” He responded with a number and they’ve never used the “B” word again, except to have a good laugh over a cocktail.
What stuck out to me in that story is how she got right to the core of the question: having enough. The husband wanted to ensure that there was enough to pay bills and some more for security. Then, once she understood, she asked what enough was. Then she went out and created more than that.
While this didn’t happen in the context of a coaching session, identifying the real question that is being asked, ensuring it’s what we need to be asking, and then reframing it as an opportunity is a critical component of the work we do with our clients.
Recently, we facilitated a quarterly planning session for one of our clients. They shared with us that they were thinking about selling. During the course of the conversation, we asked some questions to gain a better understanding of their motivations. I asked one of the partners: “Are you running away from something or toward something?” She concluded that she was running away. She didn’t have a clear sense of what she would be running toward. In some cases, a season ends before a new thing begins. I can hold that out as a possibility. Desperately seeking escape, however, is not a strong motivation.
Through a series of other questions, what we identified was that this client was working so much in her business, as well as on it, that she was burning the candle at both ends and her partner was too. I asked why she was doing so much of the production work and she shared that she didn't have anyone else in that geographical area. When I asked if they had access to a heat map that we could look at, they said they did and we looked at it together. Nearly 40% of the revenue was coming from one area and they had no one to produce the work in that area except for the owner.
“What would happen if you had someone to cover that area and you could work on the business? Is that a business you would love?” I asked.
“It is,” she responded.
We spent the rest of our time together creating our goals for the next 90 days, one of which was to get a producer in the area that she is covering so they can get the owner back to the work she wants to do.
It would have been easy to leave her comments about selling unexplored. To do so, however, would have been to misunderstand the motivation as to why she wanted to sell in the first place. Then, once we understood the core motivation, we could reframe the questions so we could get the outcome that she really wants: a business that doesn’t have as much dependency on her.
Just the other day, I got off of a call with a client who was sharing with me that one of his greatest takeaways in our coaching partnership so far is that we’re willing to challenge what he assumes. It’s the things that go unchallenged and unexplored in our lives that are our greatest liabilities. If we build foundations on shaky assumptions, we have a wobbly foundation. It takes self-awareness to do that, and sometimes we are missing the forest through the trees. That’s why I love the way that Keith Upkes describes coaching: a mirror and a window. As coaches, we reflect back what we hear, allowing for someone to see themself more objectively. Then, we open the windows so they can see the possibilities. That’s what our friend did when her husband emailed her a budget. She opened the window to create something that couldn’t be seen by merely looking in the mirror.
Quote:
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." - Milton Berle
Question:
What needs to be reframed into a question for you right now?
Call to Action/Next Event:
Firecracker 150, presented by Bethesda Leadership Group
Wednesday, July 1 • 5 PM - 9:30 PM at Seekonk Speedway